New Rules: Dating Advice for Grownups

All My Single Ladies!

If you're divorced or widowed and looking to get back in the dating game, chances are you'll consider  one of the many popular dating websites such as eHarmony, Match.com, OurTime.com or others. For the most part, all are legitimate businesses (although they often "plant" fake profiles to lure you into buying a package). But all in all, the sites are not sinister unto themselves. Some of the members, on the other hand, may be seeking more than an enduring relationship with your sweet sexy self.

In fact, the online dating pool hosts only a modicum of great catches. The waters are infested with predatory pond scum intent on getting into your knickers or your IRA, or both if possible. Many of them are married with no intention of getting divorced. So it is up to you to navigate the murky and treacherous waters by educating yourself on the basics.

Online dating 101:

• Be honest but not an open book. Tell the truth about your height, weight, age and habits. If you are interested in marriage, put it out there. Seriously, are you really paying a monthly fee to meet "friends?" To predatory men, that is code for "let's have sex with no commitment."
• Be less forthcoming about your economic status, place of employment, children and the type of car you drive. Nothing lures a predator like a "well-heeled mother of teens, executive at ABC Corp., who drives an SL-Class Mercedes Benz."
• Try to keep it local. You may be open to moving from New York to Seattle. But you have a better chance of learning about a partner who has lived in your area for a number of years. I have heard disaster stories of folks, male and female, who have uprooted themselves for love, only to be disappointed when a long-distance romance fizzles. 
• When setting up a date, arrange to meet at a neutral public place. Do not under any circumstances have him or her pick you up at your home! This is for your safety, and that of your family.
• Make the first date drinks or coffee. Or lunch. The shorter time span and lower monetary commitment give you both a chance to feel each other out, and to see if you are interested in pursuing a second date. This approach has saved me more than once from obnoxious boors and sexual predators. 
• Let a friend or family member know who you are meeting and where you will be. Arrange for them to call you at a specific time during the date. If all is going well, you can let them know. If you need to bail, they can be your excuse. 
• Limit your alcohol consumption. Bad judgement is not strictly the domain of drunken teenagers.
• In case you do drink too much, carry condoms in your purse. STDs are on the rise in adults over the age of 50.
• Above all, listen to your gut. Intuition is not a myth. It is a primal alarm system that lets you know when you are in danger.